ambiguity

August 17, 2008

Hope is for sissies.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 9:40 pm

“What? What? I can’t hear you la. What’s his name? Easton Ellis?”

As soon i heard the last two words, i began looking around, straining my neck to look over the shelves, trying to see the blessed soul who just uttered the name of my favourite author.

“Okay. Okay. Never really heard of him but i guess i could give him a try…”

There it was again. A female voice. By this time i’m looking around frantically. Finally, i spot her. She’s wearing a black top, skirt of some kind, sneakers, and she’s on the phone. Eurasian looking. Her long, jet black hair covers the right side of her face. She’s short, around 160cm probably. And she’s carrying 4 books. I spot two by paulo coelho. Nice eyes, good body. Overall, a good-looking specimen. And she’s alone. On a sunday afternoon. In a book store.

“Happy birthday alvin, from god.” I mutter as i approach her from behind. She’s off the phone.

“Excuse me,”

She turns around, slightly startled.

“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Are you by any chance looking for something by Brett Easton Ellis?”

“Yeah, my friend just recommended him. Is he good?”

I smile and take a deep breath as i begin to try and explain my adoration for Ellis. His style of writing, his material, how his are the only books i can’t seem to be able to put down.

“You should try this.” I hand her a copy of American Psycho.

“Oh i’ve seen the movie. It wasn’t that good.” She replies, eyeing the book.

“Most movies aren’t as good as their books. Trust me. It’ll get you started with his work.” I smile, reassuringly.

“Alright. Thanks….”

“Alvin.”

“Nicole.” She smiles and extends her hand. I take it with a tiny bow that makes her giggle.

“Well alright, i’m going to pay for my books now. You have fun with Brett.” I say, looking at my phone. Its almost five.

“Thank you again. It was a pleasure meeting you,”

“Pleasure’s all mine. See you.”

I pay for my books at the cashier’s and walk out of the store. She’s not at the literature section anymore. Then, it hit me. I had just spoken to an attractive girl who likes reading and isn’t afraid to be alone, and i didn’t even ask for her number. And the funny thing is, i didn’t even feel like i missed the wagon.

Maybe thats how it is when you just don’t have the energy for hope anymore. Sure, it felt like she was great. Not very talkative. Good dress sense. Perfect english. But all these things count for nothing because even if i did get her number and we did end up seeing each other, she’d still end up annoying me. We’d still fight. And i’d still leave her.

I guess i don’t have it in me anymore. To hope that things will turn out different. Because everytime you allow yourself expectations, everytime you let yourself think that maybe something’s going to be different this time, it hurts alot more when it turns out that nothing’s changed. Friendships, family affairs, and relationships with people in general. Its better to have your guard up and be safe than sorry, isn’t it?

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2 Comments »

  1. HAHAHA you bowed?! i didnt know you were jap! lol. i hope you didnt do a chaplin and bow with your hat off. wah i’ll have paid a million bucks to be there. hahahaha.

    Comment by germz — August 19, 2008 @ 4:26 pm

  2. It wasn’t so much a bow as a.. subtle nod of the head and bend of the knees. I’ll try to recreate the scene, you get the money ready.

    Comment by theinkhorn — August 20, 2008 @ 6:36 pm


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