ambiguity

August 26, 2008

Here it is.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:32 pm

Because of my OCD, i have to perform a little, ritual, if you must, every morning before i leave for work. Before i step out of the house and begin yet another monotonous day, i have to visit a few websites. Soccer net, a few blogs that i read on a regular basis, and if there’s nothing new or interesting, i have to return to the home page of that particular website, count to five and then move on to the next one. What follows is usually me cursing myself and then leaving the house. Today, instead of the usual, i was actually smiling.

No, there’s nothing funny about your latest entry. It’s not the humour, or lack thereof, that made my day. It’s the fact that i’ve finally gotten the response i want.

All i wanted was for you to say all that to me. I wanted you to “throw everything onto the table”. I wanted you to yell all that in my face. But every time we got remotely close to that point, we’d piss each other off and end up at the same exact spot.

I appreciate you making jokes. Keeping the mood light. But the fact is we have a problem. And when you have a problem, you don’t just leave it alone and wait for it to evaporate. You do something about it. To think that problems will solve themselves is naive; its equivalent to saying “i have cancer. But it’ll go away next week so its all good”.

So, i did what i had to do to make you talk. I made you explode. I have to be honest though, the “hurray” remark was more sarcastic than anything, and it was never meant to trigger your eruption. But i’m glad it happened before anything worse could make its way out my vocal chords.

If i know you, and i do, you’re thinking “what a load of bullshit alvin”. Thats what any normal person would think. But you, of all people, should know what i’m capable of. You, of all people, should know that I’ll do anything, anything at all, to have my way. And you, of all people, should know that i’ll do it again without hesitation. People have their methods of diagnosing and treating. This is mine. There is a possbility you might be upset, but as your mantra goes, “rock and roll. deal with it.”

You’re right. Its no one’s fault. Our friendship has run its course. We’ve had awesome times. Now, this is our clean slate. Except this time, you’re no different to me than anyone else. The fact that i was able to pull this off says it all.

Final piece of advice. “People don’t change. For example, I’m going to keep repeating ‘people don’t change’.” Situations change. Hairstyles change. Prices of cellphones change. But people never change. As much as we want them to, they never change.

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