ambiguity

December 31, 2008

NYE

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 5:12 pm

So i’m in the mood today, and seeing as how it is New Year’s eve, i’ve decided to do a special one.

A few of my classmates and I decided to try the game Left 4 Dead on monday. I don’t want to say too much about the game itself, but please go somewhere and try it because it will fucking blow your mind. Anyway, we were in the lift with a mother and her two kids. And for some reason, my classmates started swearing and laughing and this is what the mother said to us.

“Excuse me, can’t you see there are children around?”

Here’s the thing, her “children” are at least 13. The boy looks like he’s 14 and the girl, probably around 12. Everyone knows how to swear at 12. They just don’t do it in front of their mother because they will probably receive a mighty good spanking after that.

“What’s annoying you Alvin?” I’ll tell you what. The fact that she feels she still has to protect her teenage kids. Thats what. How long can a mother shelter her kids from the real world? How long can she protect them before they begin to turn into the scum of society that you see all around? The fact is, protect them and they will fail to survive. Because in this world, the only way to learn is to be thrown into a pack of hungry dogs with a piece of pork shoulder strapped onto you. If anyone thinks that they should protect their kids for as long as they can before they begin to fly on their own, they are naive beyond belief. But then again, she may be doing society a great service. After all, the bullies will always need some kids to push around.

It has been an intense year. So much has happened and i know i say this every year, but this one really takes the cake. This year i’ve burnt bridges and reluctantly built new ones, only to enjoy the view from them more than i expected. I’ve identified myself and everyone else, and most importantly, i’ve stuck to my guns despite what anyone has to say. So with that, Happy Go-To-Hell everybody. 2009, just bring it.

December 25, 2008

merry fuckin’ christmas.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 9:35 pm

“Who gave you permission to put up superficial representations of a hypocritical season celebrating a mythical figure?”

Seriously. Who? I’m not christmas’s biggest fan. But even i can’t deny that there’s something very different about christmas. Its just more comfortable. And for me to find comfort is very very important. Which is why i always appreciate the holiday, even if i don’t believe much in it. This year, though, for the first time, christmas just doesn’t feel like christmas.

December 16, 2008

11

Filed under: Belles lettres — theinkhorn @ 9:40 pm

“There’s a conflict of interest, Henry. We can’t….”

“Fuck you and fuck your conflict of interest. Let me in that OR. I can save her, let me in….”

“Henry, you’re slurring your words, your pupils are dilated, you’re drunk…”

“I’m not! Let me in!”

“Henry, you know the surgeons. You know they’re perfectly capable of operating on her. Let them do their job. Just go and get some rest okay,”

I watch helpless as Terence turns and walks away. The orderlies hold me up and start leading me towards the exit. I struggle and thrash around but there are five of them and all of them are big and strong. They take me out of the hospital and tell me to either go home or stay put. I tell them to go fuck themselves and they just turn around and walk away.

After a few minutes, i sneak back in. After making sure that none of the orderlies are still around, i make a run for the stairwell and go up six stories to where Andrea is. There are 6 different rooms so i peek through the visitor’s gallery to find her. Finally, i see her in OR 3. The surgeons are making the first incision. I run towards the sinks, wash my hands with the anti-bacterial soap which smells like tiger shit, and race into the room. As i enter the OR, everyone is looking at me like i’m crazy.

“Jesus christ, Henry what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I’m operating on her. You, get me a mask. You, my scrubs. You, gloves.”

The nurses stand there, stunned. They look at Simon, who’s in charge of the surgery.

“Henry get the fuck out of here…”

“Shut up. That is my wife on that table, and no one would do a better job of operating on her than me, you understand you dickhead. Now get me my fucking scrubs so i can start saving my wife’s life!”

There is silence in the OR. The nurses aren’t even breathing. The anesthesiologist looks at Simon. Simon looks at me, and i see sympathy in his eyes.

“Get him his scrubs. Henry, don’t fuck this up.”

As the nurses go to get my gear, i feel my eyes getting moist. I walk towards Andrea, carress her hair, and then bend down and whisper into her ears.

“You’re going to be okay, because i’m here now.”

December 11, 2008

extraORDinary

Filed under: Miscellanous — theinkhorn @ 6:44 pm

Its over.

December 9, 2008

here’s your sign.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 8:14 pm

I’m still reeling from the after effects of what could be the strangest weekend i’ve ever had. Somehow none of it feels real. It feels almost too ridiculous to be genuine. It feels like I slept the entire weekend away and had a weird dream. But then i look at my phone and i know i was there. I put on my shoes and i know i was there. I smell my clothes and i know i was there.

December 2, 2008

Act appalled.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 9:43 pm

“You give me a really cold feeling,” She says it with a smile on her face, but its the kind of smile that says “i’m sorry i feel that way”. She’s the second one to say that since i started school. The first one used the exact same words.

I try to act appalled when i see a dead animal. I try to be sad when i think about the families of ones who’ve passed on. I try to shed a tear for victims of terrorism. But the truth is i just don’t care. One animal dies, hundreds are there to take its place. Families of the deceased will move on. And the victims, they’re already gone. Crying won’t bring them back.

Its so simple. If we cannot accept life and its cycles, and we have to cry everytime someone or something dies, then everyone should have canoes at home because the world will be flooded with tears.

You people are pathetic. You want everything to mean something because you’re so afraid to let every experience go to waste. Singaporean lawyer killed in mumbai terror attacks. Wham, she’s an instant hero back home. All because the terrorists decided she should die. Websites are set up. Her face is all over the papers. Thousands of people attend her funeral. Words like “hero” and “bravery” are used like snow shovels in Alaska.

Here’s my question. If she were alive, would you even know? And if you did, would you even care? No. You read the papers and you watch the news and you think you know enough about her to give her eulogy. Because you want to feel like you’re the luckiest person in the world to not have been in her shoes. You want to feel like you survived something, even though there was never a risk in the first place. You want all this to remind you to live your life to the fullest because at any given time, something like that could happen to you.

That truth is, none of it counts for anything. The universe is constantly shifting, and because of that, the chaos theory will always apply. Bad things happen. Accept it and move on. You feel sorry for her family, go, speak words of consolation, and then leave and move on. Thinking there’s alot more you can do, and that you shouldn’t waste one moment of your precious time, all that makes you an idiot. You’re better off trying to fit a condom on your head.

And the next time your kids tell you they want to be superheroes when they grow up, remember this story and tell them to go overseas and pay someone to shoot them.

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