ambiguity

February 24, 2009

learn

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 3:40 am

Monday nights don’t usually seem like they could provide epiphanies. This one, somehow, manage to send one flying straight for my jaw, and now i’ve landed hard on my bum, and i’m awake.

My thirst for knowledge, knowledge and more knowledge has been quelled by the desire to stabilize my life. Somehow, i’ve managed to completely shove my craving for wisdom to the back of my head, and focus on managing everything life has thrown at me. And for that, i am ashamed. I am upset. I am angry. But more than all that, i am disgusted. I am disgusted with how much i’ve sold out. I’m repulsed by how normal i’ve become. Being a serious narcissist, it is incredible how much i hate myself right now.

If we ever stop asking questions like why and how, life would essentially become nothing but a big plastic slide. We climb up the steps, slide down, and repeat. Its when we crave wisdom, knowledge and information, that we question, that we explore, and suddenly, crawling up the slide and sliding down the railings of the steps seems like a more interesting alternative. Suddenly, the slide becomes a completely different entity, up is down, left is right, in is out. And that is when we look at the slide and go “fuck i want another go”.

Well, fuck, i want another fucking go. I’ve been so distracted by everything, that i’ve forgotten what life is really all about. I’ve left it all behind in search of a goose that never lays the golden eggs it promised. Now, my eyes are open, my mind is awake. Now, i want answers. To everything.

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