August 30, 2009

The Day The Cleaning Lady Saw Me Naked.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 8:28 pm

Its a chilly friday morning, the kind that’s just lovely to wake up to, if you actually manage to, that is. Its the kind of day where your sheets seem like they’re made of silk, even though they’re really just cheap cotton. I manage to drag myself out of bed, dreading the day ahead but at the same time, anticipating its end. My hair is more of a mess than it usually is and my eyes are bloodshot. Freddy Krueger would worship me.

I enter the shower and because the house is empty, i leave the doors open. This way the mirror doesn’t cloud up. As i lather up, i begin thinking about my fantasy football team. Drogba and Defoe seem to be the most popular strike partnership among all the players, and they have been bringing in a ton of points.

“Sell Cahill. Buy Drogba. Sell Modric. Buy Defoe. Sell Cole. Sell Zamora…….”

I begin to recite my plans. I curse myself for putting two Wigan defenders in my team, question my intelligence for not purchasing Glen Johnson and make notes to myself to set Gerrard as my captain for the week, all out loud. I continue to do this all the way til i decided i’m squeaky clean, before stepping out of the shower to dry off.

So there i am, butt naked outside the bathroom, arm stretched out towards my towel hanging on the wardrobe hanger, still talking to myself about fantasy football, when i detected movement outside the room. I turn my head to the right and standing there, rooted to the ground, mop in hand, jaw ajar, eyes wide open, is the cleaning lady.

In a split second, my mind does the math. I’m embarrassed, my dick is hanging out, and there’s probably no way of salvaging the situation. The smartest thing to do would be to remain calm, pretend like it doesn’t bother me, tuck my junk into the towel and say hello. So thats what i do.

“Hello.” I greet her while wrapping the towel around my waist.

“Sorry…. sorry…” She mutters and turns around. Immediately, i race to the door, tip-toeing so she doesn’t hear the panic in my footsteps, and shut the door gently.



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