November 28, 2009

The Search For Irony.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 5:10 pm

Many people ask me why. Why Alvin, why the obsession with irony? Today, i found the ideal answer.

Swine Flu kills Pakistan Haij Pilgrim

Life gets just a little more bearable with headlines like these around.

November 26, 2009


Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 9:49 am

Holy shit. 26 November 2009 is truly a date to remember. A Singapore court is acknowledging an unfair law. That’s the equivalent of the proverbial pot acknowledging how black it is. Completely made my day.

November 25, 2009


Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 10:31 am

66 year old Kaing Guek Eav, AKA Duch(douche) is likely to receive lifetime imprisonment for his part in the Khmer Rouge Killing machine. The former head of the s21 death camp expressed regret and insisted that he had tried to correct his wrongs but the UN backed tribunal are still pushing for punishment. The sentence will be delivered early next year.


Average lifespan of Cambodians = 62.1

UN backed the Khmer Rouge at the time.

Duch is the most junior of the five Khmer Rouge leaders charged by the court. The other 4 are barely alive.

Majority of Cambodians are under 30 years old. Khmer Rouge ruled Cambodia from 1975 to 1979.

The best way to absolve your own guilt is to blame somebody else. Duch is the only one with enough left in his tank to walk from his cell to the yard, and back up again. Smells like a witchhunt.

November 19, 2009

Three Important Life Lessons

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 9:09 pm

The time is 1845. I’m waiting for the train at Jurong East. It is the first time since starting work that I have left the office on time. After an excruciating wait, the train arrives, but is packed within seconds. I squirm my way in and when i finally feel comfortable, i lift my head, only to find myself staring back down again. Right before my eyes stood one of the most beautiful women i have ever seen. That may be a minor exaggeration.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows i have a thing for Indian women. And alot of other things for other types of women but thats another story for another day. I scan her from top to toe. Nose stud, Indian eyes and eyebrows, dyed, slightly frizzy hair, pale, North-Indian-ish skin tone. Very nice. I also notice that what she’s wearing complements her identity. Olive green jeans, thongs with one lone bling, and some kind of top i can’t seem to recall. She’s not model beautiful, but she is beautiful.

She catches me staring and raises an eyebrow, before tilting her head, as if trying to figure out where she’s seen me before. I do the same, tilting my head first, then squinting at her(that is the general look people have on their faces when they’re trying to remember someone). Then i shake my head to tell her that we’ve never met, before smiling. She seems to get it, and smiles back. Right on cue, my Ipod starts playing “Don’t Panic” by Coldplay. I open my pouch, turn off the shuffle function and prepare to move towards her when out of nowhere, the elderly lady(in her 50s probably) standing in front of her begins to speak to her. I can’t hear their conversation, but it looks like she’s trying to get out of it while being as polite as possible.

My brain begins yelling out commands, military style. “Close in via the East, take caution. Arm your weapon, enemy may not go down easy.” I’m ready and just about to lift my foot when i feel all the weight on my right hand vanish in an instant. I stop, close my eyes in despair, open them again and look down, and sure enough, lying on the ground are my cards, my money and my phone. And as if it wasn’t already funny enough, the train had reached the next station and people were beginning to alight.

I squat down and begin picking up my stuff as fast as i can, while avoiding the hundreds of pairs of feet around me, threatening to trample on my fingers. Finally, i gather up everything and stand back up. I scramble to fit everything back into my pouch and eventually i do, but when i look up in her direction, her back’s facing me. She’s getting ready to alight and Mrs Talk-Alot is still conversing with her. As the doors begin to open, I feel an immense sense of dejection. Then she turns her head to look at me, and just before she steps out of the train, she gives me an apologetic smile and rolls her eyes at Mrs Talk-Alot. I nod and mouth the words “See You.” She nods and walks out the door.

Lesson number 1: ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, remember to zip up the porter.

Lesson number 2: NEVER, EVER, EVER allow an elderly woman to cock-block you ever again.

Lesson number 3: Leave the office on time. ALWAYS leave the office on time.

November 18, 2009

The Chaser

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 2:39 pm

I’m watching The Chaser’s War on Everything on youtube in the office right now thanks to an anonymous tip on my last blog post. Remarkable stuff. An excellent bunch of Australians and their satirical routines. Makes for great entertainment. This video, in particular, gave me a face cramp. 1.03, watch the woman’s reaction to the question. You’d think she was asked about rocket science.

Ah, The Chaser. My new favourite satirists.

November 17, 2009


Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 8:44 am

An excellent piece of political sarcasm. Insightful and wise, and it’s not just because i agree with him. Mr Barry Soper, well done sir.

November 10, 2009

i know i’m courting trouble again, but you cannot be serious.

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:37 pm

Enter Mr Gilbert Goh. Born Singaporean, currently residing in Sydney, Australia(as he so clearly mentions). Mr Goh has written about encouraging foreign talent to stay in Singapore and “contribute to Singapore, in terms of skills and talent”. Makes sense, doesn’t it. In fact, the entire article reads like wisdom on a web page. Well written, properly phrased, impeccable english, condescending tone… He’s really got the full package.

“It would be ideal if these foreigners remain in Singapore and become citizens here, so that they have a stake in the success of our country as well.”

“Those who come and go will not really help propel Singapore in the long term.”

“… many Singaporeans have left the country for seemingly greener pastures.”

Yeah, he’s got it going on. Oh wait a minute, whats this…

Restrict foreign worker inflow? Hey… That’s not right. It’s the same guy. Same command of english, same condescending tone, same “Sydney, Australia” sign off.

Yeah yeah, sure, they are two completely different articles. Article one is about “foreign talent” and article two is about “foreign worker”, “foreigners with criminal records”, basically illegal immigrants and prostitutes. But hey, are they not all trying to make a living? I understand, Mr Goh, your biasness towards expats since you probably consider yourself one(you are, by definition), but a little subtlety would be much appreciated. Both articles were written almost exactly one year apart, so either you’ve had a major epiphany within the last year, or something’s really wrong here.

The law is the law, and more than anyone else, I understand that fact perfectly. They have entered on illegal grounds, made a career out of spreading disease and to some extent, unemployment, and they’ve even committed murder. But when you think about it, don’t you think that if they had the means, if they could afford to move here legally, take a full-time, permanent and well-paying job, do you not think they would? As much as it pains me to admit, Singapore is a pretty awesome place. For about the first 5 years, at least.

Mr Goh, you have been allowed the privilege to leave this country and start a whole new life somewhere else. I read that you’ve worked in China as well. So you’re well-travelled. Surely you must understand the plight of people who dream of moving to a foreign land, making money and starting a family, and a new life, but are too financially challenged to do so. And, like a typical Singaporean migrant, you take pride, a little too much in my opinion, that you are able to do what most of us aren’t.

If a man chooses to succumb to the lures of prostitution, it is his fault. If old men choose to drink their livers silly because a young, attractive female manages to convince them to, it is their fault. It just seems to me, that you have implied, perhaps unintentionally, that in contrast to their counterparts with fake passports, expats don’t cause any harm.

Pick out any Chinese/Thai/Vietnamese student from SMU, or MDIS, and there is a possibility that their lives could have been exactly like those “young foreign girls below the age of 20 working in coffee shops”. But they’re not, because they have been privileged enough to have parents willing to pay for them to attend a foreign university, and to send allowance every month.

It is a privilege, not a right. I am, by no means, advocating the entry of immigrants via illegal means, nor do i support them, at serious risk of sounding like a white-trash red neck, taking our jobs. But isn’t that what expats do. The only difference is they can afford to be here legally. The only difference is YOU can afford to be there.

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