December 23, 2009

Of Dropping Bombs

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 10:33 am

In an attempt to appease its angsty population, a school feel hike for non-citizens has been announced. The fees will threefold by the year 2011, leading to the president of the Tianfu Club, a networking club for Chinese immigrants(networking CLUB???) making this comment:

“Of course, the Government will take care of its citizens first.”

Oh my. You see that? I knew it. They love us. They really do care. I never doubted you PAPa, not even for a second. All of you who persistently doubt their adoration for us citizens, think again. They raised foreigners’ school fees! That means they pay more, which means we pay less, which  means we’re more important than them!

It also means they get more money, which means they’ll use it to improve the lives of us citizens! Maybe a pay raise for our hardworking  ministers! Maybe higher barriers for MRT stations! Maybe A VEZ(Very EZ) Link card that now requires us to top up our cards as soon as its value approaches $10. Oh the limitless possibilities.

In international news, Iran wants the US to stop messing with them. Never mind that they’re slowly enriching more and more atomic bomb quality uranium. Never mind that they’re illegally importing arms from North Korea. Never mind that everytime Ahmad speaks, it sounds like he’s making threats. As he said, “if Iran wanted to make a bomb, we would be brave enough to tell you”.

As the deadline draws closer, one can’t help but wonder, what would the UN do? Sanctions? More sanctions? EVEN more sanctions? Tougher sanctions? Extremely tough sanctions? Mind-blowing sanctions? Mind-blowing sanctions, that’s the one. That will make Iran cave. Be sure to make it really mind-blowing though. It has to be mind-blowing enough to intimidate them, but not too mind-blowing that they’d be so petrified they’d hurry production up in an attempt to defend themselves. Just the right amount of mind-blowing-ness should do the trick.

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