January 29, 2010

Causality Dilemma Solved

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:48 am

In the “chicken or the egg” conundrum, the common argument is that since the question failed to specify the type of egg, and chickens have only been around since 7000 BC while dinosaurs had laid eggs over 65 millions years ago, the correct answer should be that the egg came first. This answer is way too convenient for my liking. Instead, I have discovered a way to definitively answer the question.

To do so, we must first examine the phrasing of the sentence. Common sense dictates that the egg in question should be related to the first noun, the chicken. For instance, “who ate the cake? The boy or the mother?” Again, common sense dictates that the mother in question should be related to the boy.

Then there’s the word “the”. “The”, when used before a singular or plural noun, marks that noun as being specific. In this case, “the” is used before a singular noun, “egg”, thus specifying it. Put them together, and the correct interpretation, therefore should be that the egg in question is related directly to the chicken.

Now that we’ve established the identity and origins of the egg, let’s move on to its definition. We tend to identify eggs directly related to the chickens as chicken eggs. Note that I’m being very cautious with my words. Chicken eggs are only called chicken eggs because they come from chickens. The term chicken egg is simply shortened from “chicken’s egg”, an egg laid by a chicken.

The egg in question, which we earlier on determined to be specific, cannot be labelled a chicken egg because in order for that to happen, the birds preceding chickens had to actually give birth to a chicken, which we understand is not the way birds reproduce. Said chicken could then go on to lay the  first chicken egg. Ergo, the egg in question is not a “chicken egg”, but an egg from which a chicken is hatched.

Finally, we move on to evolution. First, it must be understood that the emergence of a new species is the result of an accumulation of various changes in an organism’s genetic material. I liken it to the theory of displacement(except in this case, we’re not examining anybody’s volume). Imagine first, a stack of champagne saucers, much like the ones you see during wedding receptions. Now, imagine slowly pouring champagne into the very first saucer at the top. Every bit you add can be likened to a change in an organism’s genetic material. Now assume you’ve filled the first saucer to the brim. The next drop you add will surely mean spillage into the saucers below, i.e displacement. That spillage can be likened to the emergence of a new species.

Employing that analogy, right where the saucer was filled up to the brim, the birds preceding chicken mated. The sperm entered the ovum and formed a zygote cell. The formation of this zygote cell, when compared to the champagne saucer analogy, refers to the spillage. Contained within this zygote cell is the DNA of the first ever chicken. The zygote cell then proceeds to divide(called mitosis) until it forms the first chicken. And guess where all that magic happens. That’s right, inside the egg.

Therefore, since we’ve established that the egg in question is related to chickens, and that it is NOT defined as being laid by a chicken but instead, as an egg from which a chicken is hatched, and that the first chicken ever to exist was being formed inside said egg, it is safe to conclude definitively and unambiguously that in this age old duel, the egg claims victory.

January 28, 2010

Of Desperation

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 10:58 am

What’s that smell? That sweet, sweet, aroma. No, it’s not teen spirit. Smells like… Desperation.

Desperation is perhaps one of the biggest faux pas anyone can make in politics. Or in any aspect of society, for that matter. It says that you’re at your wits end. It says that you’re out of ideas. It says, you’re as close to defeat as you’ve ever been. And it surprises me to say that I’m not at all surprised that it has come from Mr MM.

In what can only be described as a dire move, Mr MM has cautioned Singaporeans not to let the issue of rising housing costs swing their votes.

First, the usage of the word “cautioned” seems a little condescending, doesn’t it? Then again, it’s Mr MM. Who’s surprised? However, looking at it from a different angle, there seems to be an element of intimidation involved.


  • noun 1 care taken to avoid danger or mistakes. 2 warning: advisers sounded a note of caution. 3 Law, chiefly Brit. a formal warning given to someone who has committed a minor offence but has not been charged.
  • verb 1 warn or advise. 2 chiefly Brit. issue a legal caution to. 3 chiefly Brit. (of a police officer) advise (someone) of their legal rights when arresting them.

Is Mr MM genuinely trying to connect with the masses? Or is he powering up to tyrant mode? Is he offering sincere advice or is this a scare tactic? Tough choice.

Next, let’s look at the justification offered by Mr MM. He believes that citizens should not complain about the high housing costs as  “it adds to their wealth and is an asset-enhancing policy”. In his words, “….the Government sells them at a subsidised price, below market rate, so that they can own an asset that will appreciate in value over the years.”

Mr MM, of all people, should know that Singaporeans don’t ever own their flats. Singaporeans sign a Tenancy/Lease Agreement with HDB and the usual Sales and Purchase Agreement for private properties whenever they “purchase” a flat. This means that the government can reclaim their flats after a period of 99 years. Which in turn means that your grand children and great grand children can kiss that roof over their heads goodbye.

Not to mention, even if the value of the flat does appreciate, reclamation simply means the government absorbs whatever value there is. But Mr MM is not technically wrong. Notice he doesn’t mention anything about “claiming the excess value”.

Mr MM then goes on to reject the idea of having more rental flats for younger Singaporeans just starting out. In his own words, it would “create a dependency group”. I apologise in advanced if my concept of governance is flawed, but I’ve always thought that it was only right for citizens to rely on its government. After all, they’re running the country. They’re suppose to be the ones who care. Implying that Singaporeans should not depend on the government is tantamount to renouncing their responsibilities as leaders of this country. Why should anyone vote for a government that refuses help to it’s citizens?

Finally, Mr MM’s little anecdote. His closing line, “Well, remember that when voting comes”, makes me sick. I’d expect him to know better than to liken a single stewardess to an entire demographic. I cannot say for sure if that conversation with the stewardess really happened. What i will say is that it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to serve coffee and tea on a plane.

I assure you, votes will swing. But, they are not protest votes. They are “I’m really sick of this” votes. The insinuation that these votes are more a consequence of unhappiness than critical thinking is an example of the government’s severe underestimation of Singaporeans. I know i like to give Singaporeans crap for not thinking as much as they should be, but I also recognise when a decision is made after much consideration. Be very certain, it is on.

January 27, 2010

Of Shit Hitting The Fan

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:00 am

Days like these, I wonder why there’s never any new material on the news. It’s always the same old stuff, e.g “HDB flats are affordable!” It feels like some sort of ancient Wicca ritual. You know, throw some magic powder into the fire, chant the same line over and over and hope that sooner or later, it crosses the fantasy barrier and into reality. I should give it a shot. Norah Jones wants me…

The biological waste material has officially come into contact with the  spinning turbine for the YPAP, whose entire “Eric How is an imposter” story has been blown apart by the Temasek Review’s CSI-esque efforts. YPAP Chairpersons and PAP members Zaqy Mohamad and Teo Ser Luck have come under fire for not handling the situation better, while Eric How and several other YPAP members have been blasted for their part in the fiasco.

To be fair, I understand their decision to “pull a Nixon”. Denial is, after all, human nature. What i cannot comprehend is the lie itself, and the failure to cover up. I consider myself quite the expert on the art of deception, and the fact that they failed to cover their tracks by leaving Edgar Khieu as a friend on the “imposter’s” facebook account makes me quite sad.

What bothers me the most, however, is the story itself. Are Singaporeans suppose to believe that some random guy decided he was going to discredit Eric How, who is practically a nobody, just for laughs? Please, YPAP, you’re breaking my balls.

In other news, an Indonesian petition for Obama’s bronze statue to be torn down has caught the attention of authorities. According to the website, it is because “Barack Obama has yet to make a significant contribution to the Indonesian nation.” By that logic, we should remove the Merlion. What has it done for us besides throw up 24/7?

Finally, the battle between Microsoft and Google is set to reach new heights after Bill “China FTW” Gates declared that he was “unimpressed and a bit perplexed” by Google’s threat to pull out of China. Do i sense mind games being played?

The fact is, Billy, even if Google were to pull out of China, or the US for that matter, Bing would just be playing second fiddle. A last resort, if you will. Doesn’t that just make you so proud?

January 26, 2010

Of Religion And Massacre

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 10:37 am

There may yet be hope for Malaysia. I’ve never said this with such conviction, but after reading this article written by none other than Anwar Ibrahim, I am utterly convinced that all is not lost. In the article, Anwar offers his take on the “allah” issue. I don’t know if the majority of Malaysians will understand it though. I mean, with words like “lexicon”, “exorbitant” and “demagogues” present in the article? He should have provided a link on the page. Yes, it’s a little harsh. But what do you expect me to say about a country where men beat their own parents to death in order to quit smoking?

My problem is more with religion, spirituality and the concept of faith than with Malaysians. For instance, I also question the intelligence of those involved in the muslim-christian clashes in Nigeria. It makes less sense than having the Chinese and Indians in Singapore clash over who’s fairy tale character kicks more ass.

Good news for democracy activists. Myanmar’s detained opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi may be released after the October parliamentary elections. I’m not sure the Junta will let it happen this easily, but keep an eye on this one.

Finally, in other news, “Chemical Ali”, former Iraq official and enforcer in Suddam Hussein’s regime has been hung for his crimes against humanity. The audio clip contains an interview with one of the survivors of “Chemical Ali’s” gas attack. At about 02:04, listen as the interviewer asks her if she’d rather he lived and served a life sentence.

It is a fantastic idea. Of course, the entire plan works under the assumption that “Chemical Ali” has a conscience and the ability to experience guilt. While I’m not so sure it’d be effective, i applaud her for her rationality. Besides suggesting that perhaps the best way to punish the man is to have him face the lives he’s helped destroy, month after month, she understands how hanging him would provide closure for the families of his victims. Well done, Freshta Raper.

January 22, 2010

Of Overeasy

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 12:12 pm

AWARE President Miss Dana Lam has lambasted the bar aptly named OverEasy for their “cup size” promotion last weekend. If you don’t already know about it, basically women were given free drinks according to their cup sizes. You can imagine what a TITillating spectacle it was. Personally I find the whole thing very intriguing.

Let’s talk about the women who attended the event. I’ve gone ahead and assumed that they share 4 general mentalities.
A) I want to be liberal, open, and “western”
B) I want to feel empowered and unabashed
C) I want free drinks and fun
D) I want attention

Group A – The Wankers

It is pretentious, it is wanky, and it is downright sad to aspire to be “western”. Of course, we must understand that Asian women in general, Singaporeans in particular, have quite an extreme inferiority complex. I attribute this to the influence of American pop culture and the emergence of various asian stereotypes. The truth is, almost everything good on TV is produced by Caucasians. It is understandable that we develop an inferiority complex. My advice to the women in Group A is this: Wake the fuck up.

Group B – The Mistaken

Having completely misunderstood the true meaning of empowerment, these women have willingly offered up their bodies and dignities in exchange for having what they perceive as “fun”, and have done it under that very pretense. The truth is, my confused beauties, being viewed as a sex object may bring you power. But it will never gain you any respect. But hey, respect schmespect. That doesn’t matter to you, simply because you are part of the mass delusion of “all that matters is what I think”.

Group C – The Alcoholics/Fun-junkies

Singaporeans are a weird bunch. It must be the working/schooling conditions because every opportunity they get to drown themselves in alcohol, they grab. I don’t know about you, but I drink because I enjoy savouring the flavour contrast of a gin and tonic with freshly squeezed lime. For them, it is all about getting sloshed.

My question is this: When you get up the next day, do you go “Holy shit I love getting drunk”? Or do you, like me, clutch your head and curse yourself for the excessive alcohol consumption the night before. Odds are, the latter rings true. Why then do you repeat the process? That brings me to Group D.

Group D – The Attention-whores

Now let’s face it. All of you want attention. It may stem from a lack of social interaction as a child. Or perhaps your daddy didn’t pay enough attention to you growing up. Either way, you see events such as these as a way to compensate for that missing attention.

The way to achieve that is to:

a) Use your physical assets

b) Get incredibly drunk so that people notice and start to take care of you (ergo, mention in Group C)

Of course, these are just my personal observations, compiled and analysed. Intelligence is a rare enough trait in modern society, and the science of genetics ensures that the ratio will remain constant throughout. Therefore, I understand the need for these women to attempt to make up for their lack of intellectual prowess by exploiting their sexuality and physical assets.

Ms Dana Lam, however, must note that one of the key elements of feminism is the right to bodily integrity, and the right of a female to express herself sexually. I may not agree with the event, or the women who attended the event. I may even question their intelligence, and throw in a few insults along the way. However, I do insist that they take responsibility for their actions instead of completely attributing their behaviour to the influence of feminism.

The actions of one seeks only to describe one. If women are collectively viewed as sexual objects, it can only be due to narrow-mindedness, and a preference for the convenience of generalizing as opposed to owning separate opinons.

January 21, 2010

Of Senile Dementia

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 10:56 am

In what has to be my favourite story of 2010 so far, Dr Mahathir Mohamad has claimed that 9/11 could very well be staged so that attacks could be carried out on the Muslim world(wow even as i’m typing this i’m smiling).

Dr Mahathir also claims that ““If they(United States) can make Avatar, they can make anything”.

Fact #1 – Avatar was made with New Zealand film technology.

Fact #2 – James Cameron is Canadian.

Fact #3 – Sam Worthington(male lead in the movie) is Australian.

Besides Sigourney and “Uhura”, none of the American actors in the film really made much of an impact. I know you enjoyed the movie. I also know you enjoyed Sam Worthington’s brilliant American accent. But seriously. Google searches are only censored in China. Go forth and Google.

Besides that, Dr Mahathir also criticised President Barack Obama for failing to keep his promises regarding pulling out of Afghanistan and closing down Guantanamo Bay. I leave you with a quote from an acquaintance, Lush 99.5 presenter Elias, that should explain my sentiments perfectly.

okay guys-on-the-right. obama isn’t the black jesus we all hoped for, but who else do you have in mind? bill o’reilly? sarah palin? RUSH LIMBAUGH? HAHA sit down.”

Alzheimer’s victims typically being showing symptoms after the age of 60. That should explain the government patronage, the ethnic discrimination, the Anwar saga, the 9/11 contradictions(he offered full support but raged at being searched at a US airport)… The list goes on.

Very nice Dr M. At age 84, you’ve finally made a big enough fool of yourself to be remembered for eternity. Félicitations!

January 20, 2010

Of Nations That Need Help Urgently

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:09 am

I still have a ton to say about Malaysia but someone’s done it all for me! Former FEER editor/legend Mr Philip Bowring has accurately and articulately summed up my sentiments towards to issue. A factual and logical account of what is and what should be, Mr Bowring questions UMNO’s governance and intentions and lambasts their half-hearted attempts to dissolve tensions in the region. An article worth reading.

In Vietnam, a group of democracy activists prepare to go on trial. Their crime? Peaceful political activity. Well done Vietnam! The activists can be sentenced to a minimum of 12 years in prison and a maximum of death. Very nice. I for one would love to Vietnam sentenced them to death and then attempt to play it down. It wouldn’t be that big of surprise considering Vietnam’s rule of law if even more ridiculous than Singapore’s, which is quite a feat on its own. After all, they did sentence a woman to death for charges of business fraud.

On to the Philippines then, where a mother’s love trumps all. Marlene Aguilar was charged with obstruction of justice for lying to authorities about the whereabouts of her son Jason Ivler, who was wanted for the murder of Renato Ebarle Jr. Now that Ivler is in custody after a brief shootout, she has declared that she would “take bullets for him”.

Now, I know Marlene’s just trying to be a good mother and protect her kid. You know, like all mothers do when they let their kids have anything they want, and then cry when they eventually grow up to be spoilt, ungrateful douchebags. That’s the spirit Marlene. Protect your son, even when he has taken the life of someone else’s son. That’s very very smart.

To conclude, China has announced that they will be scanning text messages for key words. Cellphone users who are deemed to be exchanging messages containing “illegal or unhealthy content” will have their text services suspended. Apparently, removing porn isn’t stupid enough for China. They’re slowly escalating towards the peak of what can only be described as severe mental retardation. Being the good Samaritan that I am, I have a few suggestion that may speed up the process.

1. Uniforms

Think about it, what if someone decides to put on a shirt with a picture of Susan Boyle on it. Anarchy!

2. Clean Shaven Head

No more trying to peek at the facial features of a woman with long flowing hair.

3. Taped Up Mouths

No conversations = no indecent conversations

4. Handcuffs 24/7

If you can masturbate with your feet, don’t let them know.

5. RFID Chips with Taser features.

Now you can track your citizens AND put up to 50,000 volts of electricity through their bodies if they defy your orders, all at the same time!

Successfully introduce these features and no longer will porn be an issue. You’re welcome, China.

January 19, 2010

Of Even More Stupidity

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 10:57 am

Good news. Penang, Sabah, Sarawak and the Federal Territories have been given the permission to use the word “allah”, mainly because they don’t have sultans as their head of state. I have a question then. If I stand on the state border, say between KL and Selangor, right foot on KL and left on Selangor, does that mean I’m allowed to say half the word? “All” or “Ah”. I guess “Lah” would be acceptable as well.

If you think that’s ridiculous, then you may have capture a quarter of my sentiments towards the issue.

A Malaysian facebook user has been charged for what has been deeemed an offensive facebook status update. Directly translated, it reads “Should I throw the petrol bomb there now…price is negotiable.” Now that is just plain stupid. Whether it’s meant to be a sarcastic remark, a genuine question on whether action should be taken on your part, or a distasteful joke, that is just plain stupid. You don’t write “Should I hold my Bar Mitzvah now? It’s cheap,” on a Nazi publication during World War 2. No, you wait until the war is over. Or at least until you stowaway on a ship heading to France. Bad bad timing Mr Tasyrif Tajudin.

Finally, Deputy Chairman of GIC Dr Tony Tan has predicted the arrival of a golden age for Asia within the next ten years. Oh goody. Would that be before or after GIC and Temasek Holdings lose even more money? By the way, a monkey could predict the same thing.

I assume golden age refers to massive profits, investment growth and more power to the markets yes? Well in that case, riddle me this. How much does GIC have to recover just to break even, assuming it’s even possible. And if that prophecy does manifest, what’s going to change for us? I know! Higher HDB prices! Higher GST! Higher wages for our Ministers! Higher buildings for us to jump off from! Nice one Tony, but no thanks. I’d rather have a weak economy than a false one. But that’s only because i’m not getting paid millions to lose money. You, on the other hand…

January 18, 2010

Of Hypocrisy

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:00 am

City Harvest has announced a plan to build a new church in the central south district. The price? A whooping $310 million. Founder Kong Hee described the area as “super large”. Really? You really can’t think of any synonyms for “super large”?

$310 million. I wonder, City Harvest, if that money could have gone to better use. There are homeless living in Sembawang Park, who are being told to leave or risk being sent to an “institution” where freedom is an almost non-existent commodity, and you decided to spend $310 million on a new building? To do what? Glorify that faceless entity that you call god?

Riddle me this. Working under the assumption that there really is an omnipotent spiritual being who is capable of everything the bible claims, would it not be more pleasing to him/her if you used that money to say… build a shelter for the homeless? Instead, you use the money to erect a bigger, better building for the sole purpose of acquiring more funds for further expansion(of both land and your wallets). Glorifying indeed. Strange thing is, church-goers always seem to be able to sidestep the issue. Religion is truly a virus of the mind.

In other news, the Temasek Review has called for a complete boycott of Singapore companies that put up job ads recruiting foreigners only. I cannot tell you how excited I am. A real life “THEY TOOK OUR JOBS” moment.

I can understand where these companies are coming from. Cheaper, faster and better is what makes you money. Unfortunately, very few companies know where to draw the line. Cheaper often holds more priority than faster or better. That is where TR’s rage originates. For foreigners who may happen to come across that article, if you do get upset, I would encourage you to re-examine your emotions in a composed manner. It is not wrong for us to look after our fellow citizens first.

If you still insist on special treatment, here’s the secret. Take more English classes, then do a “Michael Jackson”. I guarantee you, once you start looking and talking like a caucasian, it doesn’t matter what skills you lack. Doesn’t matter if you have none to speak of, in fact. That’s the beauty of Singapore. The inferiority complex is so strong, we automatically assume that an individual with skin paler than ours holds a stronger social position.

I weep for my people.

January 17, 2010


Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 3:12 pm

This article from the Temasek Review on an accounts executive from Myanmar who required English class has garnered over 400 comments, which I understand, is rather remarkable.

Check the article out and experience the blind nationalism that is the pride of Myanmar. If it’s one thing I’ve always admired about countries like Myanmar and Vietnam, it is the ability of their people to remain loyal to their country no matter how messed up it is, and consistently defend it from insults.

Would we do that? I’m not sure I would. If someone came up to me and told me how ridiculous the Merlion looks, I’d probably hi-five him. If someone came up to me and told me how lazy Singaporeans are, I’d shake his hand. If someone came up to me and told me that Singaporeans are crotchally impaired… Oh that’s a tricky one.

The point is, if you’re going to defend your country, make sure you don’t look like an idiot along the way. If what is said about your country is true and supported with statistics and articles, don’t just stand there and go “no.. that’s wrong”.

To be fair, Singaporeans have been incredibly aggressive within that thread, which I presume is to provide sufficient rebuttal. I disagree, however, with certain methods employed. One must first understand the art of rebuttal. It is not enough to simply call someone a moron. It is accepted, however, if you call someone a moron and then provide reasons and facts confirming that said person is indeed, intellectually challenged. Similarly, Myanmar nationals, instead of issuing threats(which i understand did happen) or attempting the play down Singapore’s importance by claiming that you don’t actually want to be here, use facts and logic. Though I understand that since your command of English is… let’s say below average, you may have some trouble. I’d also like to applaud Singaporeans for being the bigger people: Not picking on their English as much as I would have.

Alas, we are but one people under the rule of dictatorship, slaves of tyranny. The debate on who should go where and who should stay where they are is not invalid, but I’m not sure I’m ready for a full scale District 6 clean up. I say to Singaporeans, live and let live. And to the foreign talent, I say remember your place. Remember that in spite of what you believe, you are guests in this country. Despite that PR status or S pass, you are still guests.  A little respect will go a long way.

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