January 20, 2010

Of Nations That Need Help Urgently

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:09 am

I still have a ton to say about Malaysia but someone’s done it all for me! Former FEER editor/legend Mr Philip Bowring has accurately and articulately summed up my sentiments towards to issue. A factual and logical account of what is and what should be, Mr Bowring questions UMNO’s governance and intentions and lambasts their half-hearted attempts to dissolve tensions in the region. An article worth reading.

In Vietnam, a group of democracy activists prepare to go on trial. Their crime? Peaceful political activity. Well done Vietnam! The activists can be sentenced to a minimum of 12 years in prison and a maximum of death. Very nice. I for one would love to Vietnam sentenced them to death and then attempt to play it down. It wouldn’t be that big of surprise considering Vietnam’s rule of law if even more ridiculous than Singapore’s, which is quite a feat on its own. After all, they did sentence a woman to death for charges of business fraud.

On to the Philippines then, where a mother’s love trumps all. Marlene Aguilar was charged with obstruction of justice for lying to authorities about the whereabouts of her son Jason Ivler, who was wanted for the murder of Renato Ebarle Jr. Now that Ivler is in custody after a brief shootout, she has declared that she would “take bullets for him”.

Now, I know Marlene’s just trying to be a good mother and protect her kid. You know, like all mothers do when they let their kids have anything they want, and then cry when they eventually grow up to be spoilt, ungrateful douchebags. That’s the spirit Marlene. Protect your son, even when he has taken the life of someone else’s son. That’s very very smart.

To conclude, China has announced that they will be scanning text messages for key words. Cellphone users who are deemed to be exchanging messages containing “illegal or unhealthy content” will have their text services suspended. Apparently, removing porn isn’t stupid enough for China. They’re slowly escalating towards the peak of what can only be described as severe mental retardation. Being the good Samaritan that I am, I have a few suggestion that may speed up the process.

1. Uniforms

Think about it, what if someone decides to put on a shirt with a picture of Susan Boyle on it. Anarchy!

2. Clean Shaven Head

No more trying to peek at the facial features of a woman with long flowing hair.

3. Taped Up Mouths

No conversations = no indecent conversations

4. Handcuffs 24/7

If you can masturbate with your feet, don’t let them know.

5. RFID Chips with Taser features.

Now you can track your citizens AND put up to 50,000 volts of electricity through their bodies if they defy your orders, all at the same time!

Successfully introduce these features and no longer will porn be an issue. You’re welcome, China.

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