July 16, 2010

Catholicism At It’s Worst

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 12:48 pm

Iceland: First lesbian prime minister

Australia: First female prime minister

UK: First liberal democratic+conservative coalition

Argentina: Gay marriage legalized

This, is progress. This is what the world should look like. Women empowered. Gay couples allowed the right to love and marry. Opposition parties with different ideals swallowing their prides and collaborating for their country.

Yet, the Catholic church still believes that the ordination of female priests is one of the gravest sins in ecclesiastical law. If that isn’t stifling progress, I don’t know what is. Women around the world who consider themselves catholics, proud believers and servants of the church, you might want to think this through.

Why, in the world, would any woman want to be part of an organization that demeans them, underestimates them, and discriminates against them? Why would anyone want to be on the side of the same organizations that performed and covered up the sexual abuse of children, including 200 deaf ones? There has to be a line drawn between rationality and downright stupidity, and if you don’t recognise the harm that the catholic church has and will continue to cause, you might want to get some glasses. How can you continue to place your trust in the hands of your deity when the ones he supposedly trusted to watch the world during his toilet break turn out to be misogynistic, mindless pedophiles?

Come the Pope’s visit to the UK in september, I hope Dr Dawkins and Mr Hitchens make good of their word. No longer can the world sit idly by and watch as the Vatican govern themselves. The law must step in to ensure that the abuse of authority at the hands of these monsters is quelled.

June 21, 2010

One Child Too Many

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:31 am

I step into the classroom and sitting there, as still as a corpse, is a skinny, munchkin-sized boy whose ridiculously pale face says he really doesn’t want to be here. That makes two of us, my subconscious mutters as I brace myself.

“You’re from China, yes?”

He nods.

“Which part?”

“… Wenzhou.”

My neurons race as I CTRL + F my brain for Wenzhou. Bam, highlighted.

“That’s in Zhejiang, yes?”

A microexpression of surprise flashes across his face before he nods and lets out a tiny smile. I’ve hit the right button. We proceed to converse for a bit. An intelligent lad for seven years of age. Sensible. Way too sensible. Alarms bells begin to pulse in my head. Something’s up.

“Pssst. I tell you secret, okay?” He whispers. “But you cannot tell anyone.”

“Okay, what is it?” I whisper back, knowing that it’s probably something stupid, like the colour of his socks.

“When we still in China, people come and try to catch me and my mother.” He says, with microexpressions of fear and sorrow showing in his eyes and mouth. Enough to convince me that he’s telling the truth.


“Because I have sister. And in China, you cannot have two children. So when they come, my mother take me and hide in the…” He struggles to find a word, and forms a triangular shape with his hands, the universal sign for “home”. I briefly consider telling him that the word he’s looking for is attic, but it would probably have distracted him from the story, so I nod to express understanding.

“Then she take me and my sister here.” He concludes the story with the folding of his arms.

Later on, I discover that his father was deported back to China, but not before impregnating his mother. Which leaves me to wonder how a pregnant woman with two kids and one to come would make enough money to send her daughter to IB and her son to tuition.

Regardless, she’s doing it. With a 8 month old foetus in her belly, she brings her boy to the centre every weekend, picks him up after that, sends him to art class, picks him up again, and brings him home, probably to a home-cooked meal she prepares in between her son’s classes. She cares enough to find out how her son performs. She knows her son well enough, and warns me of his hyperactivity, which I later discover to be very evident. And she manages all that in a foreign land she probably doesn’t know very much about, where she probably doesn’t have many friends, where sometimes, it’s a travesty to simply not be local.

Yes, our foreign policy is way too liberal and our government is exploiting that liberty in an attempt to remain in power. How much blame should fall on the government’s shoulders and how much on the immigrants’? Should we fault those who escape their shithole and enter ours in search of a slightly better life? Or should the ones who exploit them be held responsible?

June 13, 2010

The Evils Of Our Telcos

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 8:38 pm

The vuvuzelas blast in the background. The beautiful South African sky stands, mighty and gentle. The stadium erupts. Televisions around the world broadcast the exact, same images. The pitch, the players, the ball. Families are gathered, friendships are strengthened, club rivalries put aside. The magic of the World Cup, ever present. Except of course, on the island of Singapore.

The telcos have hung themselves with the ropes of their own greed. By demanding an exorbitant fee in exchange for screening the world cup, they have essentially declared it their property. The World Cup in Singapore officially belongs to the two telcos who either couldn’t negotiate a better price for screening rights or decided to pull a fast one on Singaporeans. People are not amused, and it is a wonder they haven’t begun damage control. Subscriptions are being terminated, services boycotted, and every night, profanities are sure to be directed at the people in charge. Still, no action.

It seems Starhub and Singtel have become complacent. I could scratch myself bald and still not understand their M.O. Is it really that important, SS, to lose 28,000 potential consumers just to earn that extra bit of cash? And are you really so certain that this will blow over, that you would neglect to start addressing consumers? And no, i don’t mean the whole 1 cup of coffee bullshit. I mean really having a conversation with people who are unhappy.

And as if hanging yourself wasn’t enough, you’ve decided to grab that shotgun in the corner and take out your foot. Feeds and signals have been encrypted, rendering them useless. Links that worked on the first day no longer do. SS, and now the moniker begins to seem rather apt, have decided that people who don’t get the world cup from them will not get it at all. Yet another outright declaration of ownership over the world cup.

But all this is mildly amusing to me. The amount of money it must take to carry out these operations. The amount of money you must be losing, and will eventually lose, from terminated subscriptions. It all makes me smile, not because I believe in karma but because it tells me that you’re afraid. It tells me that you’re desperate. It tells me that this is your last resort. The full wrath of those you have upset has not been felt. They are all preoccupied; you would be too if you were busy streaming games all night.

For your sake, SS, I hope you have a good internal PR department. You’ll need them when all this is done. But for now, continue to broadcast your lies via the mainstream media. Continue to delude yourself. The bigger they are, the bigger the crater formed by their fall. And the more Singaporean piss that crater will hold.

June 2, 2010

Surprise Fail: CHC Misuse Of Funds

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 12:30 pm

I cannot understand how people can react with such disbelief over allegations that CHC has been misusing church funds. I don’t think they understand the extent of its influence, and the power CHC has over their community. That, is the real stunner. Having said that, I find myself (pleasantly)surprised at a number of things.

1. I CANNOT BELIEVE… that they’re only in trouble now.

An organization, and note that I have left out the term “religious” because there should NOT be a double standard regarding the regulating of charitable organizations, that has the financial muscle to acquire a $300 million stake in Suntec City, should be probed. They should have been investigated a long time ago; the only surprise is that it hasn’t happened earlier.

2. I CANNOT BELIEVE… they’re not taxed.

WWJC? Why Would Jesus Care? “Thou shalt not present money to thy government, lest thy butt be smote.”

3. I CANNOT BELIEVE… she co-founded CHC.

Excuse my french, but I would hit that.

Then again…

Mmm. This might take a while.

4. I CANNOT BELIEVE… the devil is being blamed. Again.

Actually, I can. That’s pretty much how it works, really. Anything bad that happens to the church has to be the work of the devil. Surely. Who else? Huh, CHC guys? Who else could it be? Who else would have the power to lure your god-fearing, morally solid, caring pastors/administrators towards the pit of sin?

The church has perfected the art of shirking responsibility. Whenever they do good, it is because the love of god has moved them to do so, and the holy spirit has worked in their bodies, the temple. But whenever they make a booboo, it’s because the red man with a pitchfork somehow managed to circumvent the security system in that temple, and injected a dose of (insert one of 7 deadly sins here) into their pure hearts. And so they cry out with passion and genuine belief. “Purify us! Save us! Redeem us!”

Here’s what some CHC supporters had to say:

Andreas Lucius on May 31, 2010 at 7:17 pm

“Hahahaha! Right after Asia Conference, I am totally not surprised by what the devil is doing now.”

We all are not the judge on May 31, 2010 at 7:24 pm

“Well welll well.. Devil is working on it. Know what.. CHC too bigger and many artist was there. Pastor Kong and his wife are too famous,
so no choice.. peoples start to judge. ONE WORD ”JEALOUS”.

We all are nothing and IMPERFECTION. Who are u there to judge anything..??

Think about it and look at yourself before make the criticize.


I believe this is only a misunderstanding and somebody is trying to make trouble on the church :)


God will help CHC to proved to anyone who are make the judgement.”

Kennethism’s latest post will show you the tweets of some CHC members.

I can just imagine the devil sitting on a bar stool, beer in one hand, palm planted on face, uttering “oh bloody hell it’s always my fault.” Poor fella. Perhaps Snow White could give him a consolation blowjob. They don’t live very far apart.

The point is this: when religion enters the arena, rationality must be thrown out the window. The extent of their delusion must be well-documented, so that we have examples to employ when we decide to teach our future offspring about the perils of man and our creations. The arrogant certitude displayed by CHC members must never be forgotten, for it will eventually be the spark that lights the fuse of religious conflict.

It is not jealousy, CHC members. It is disdain, but it does not stem from jealousy or envy. It stems from annoyance at your idiocy, at your ridiculous assertions and your readiness to abandon all accountability. If only you could see yourselves.

June 1, 2010

Never Accept without Questioning

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:40 am

Singaporean sports writers must be delusional.

Already deprived of independent opinion, stripped of their ability to distribute impartial information, a handful of them still refuse to acknowledge the fact that we are but a country of mercenaries.

Should we or should we not celebrate the Singapore women’s table tennis team’s victory over mighty China? Should we or should we not accept the victory as an important milestone in Singapore sports? Should we or should we not speak to our international friends and brag about how we brought home the gold? The answers… are irrelevant, because the questions are incorrect.

As always, we have been asked the wrong questions. Questions carefully devised and placed to incite a certain response. The real question is, why? Why import? Are we not good enough? Will we never be? Have we degenerated to that stage already?

Remember when you were in school, there was this rich, fat kid who always got everything he wanted. Remember when you wrote a better composition than he did? Remember how he sulked about it? Now, remember how he did better than you the next time? What you don’t remember is seeing him pay his tutor to write a draft for him. And that’s who we are. A rich, fat sore loser.

How could we have sunk this low? That’s the real question. Why has it taken us only 45 years to concede that we will never achieve significant sporting success? Because that’s what this is about. We have conceded defeat. We’re done trying, we lost. So let’s buy some talent and win us some medals. What you can conclude is that the rich, fat sore loser isn’t very bright at all.

Sure, they are citizens on paper. Sure, they look just as yellow as I do. Is that all you require to be convinced, sports writers? That’s mighty shallow isn’t it? If you don’t feel even a tinge of annoyance, chances are you didn’t understand what was happening at the World Team Championships. It wasn’t Singapore vs China. It wasn’t even China B vs China A. It was Homegrown vs Mercenary. It was Free vs Paid. It was Proud to be representing country vs Proud to be playing.

It is important not to misunderstand the wrath and displeasure being displayed. Any implication that Singaporeans are outdated if they refused to embrace globalisation brings with it a tinge of arrogance. France won the World Cup with Zinedine Zidane, who despite being of Algerian descent, was born and raised in Marseille. But they did not win it with a team of Zidanes.

Cacau could never get into the Brazilian national team. Similarly, the German team does not comprise of 11 Cacaus. Lagat studied in Washington State University, and currently resides in Germany. He also had to serve a ban from international championship events for switching nationalities. If our sports writers fail to spot the vast, vast differences between our situation and theirs, then our papers have a very serious problem. Not that there was ever any doubt in the first place.

The truth is, there is nothing wrong with being “biase about an imported victory”. It only goes to demonstrate how much Singaporeans want Singaporeans to achieve success on their own. It shows how seriously we take ourselves, and how independent we want to be. It tells people that we will not be happy with just paying someone to write our essay; if we’re going to get a golden star-shaped sticker, we’re going to earn it ourselves. Even if it takes us decades. The world’s not going anywhere, we have all the time in the world.

The only insult present is directed at us; that we would have to put up with and celebrate a victory that is neither ours nor deserved, that we would be expected to glorify mercenaries, that our loyalty be doubted when quite clearly, there can be no question.

They did not do it in Singapore colours. They did it in pink, or white, or red, or blue, whatever their favourite colours were. But they most certainly did not do it for Singapore. And if you believe otherwise, if you believe that the image of our nation’s flag dancing in the wind was playing in their minds as they swung their paddles back and let out their now trademark grunts, if you embrace their victory as your own because you believe we neither can nor will do it on our own, then with the calmest of tones sheltering the most bitter of sentiments, I urge you to question your own allegiance, along with your state of mind.

This entry was written in response to an article… And I use the term “article” very loosely, by Chia Han Keong. It can be read here.

May 31, 2010

TOC Down?

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:57 am

Chief Editor of The Online Citizen, Andrew Loh, announced yesterday that TOC would be taking an indefinite hiatus. Andrew had just gotten back from a blogger’s tour in Germany. The sudden revelation has already sparked rampant speculation. As one user put it, TOC either have a money problem, or a people problem.

It is unlikely to be a money problem. TOC have always been open enough about their finances. They aren’t shy about asking for donations, and they don’t hesitate to discuss their financial situation. Readers have offered financial support if required, but have received no response so far, further indication that money is the least of TOC’s worries.

What’s going on then? People who’ve been around long enough will probably have some idea. Perhaps not the entire story, but certainly a few paragraphs. All that remains is confirmation that ants have snuck down TOC’s pants and caused a bit of a ruckus.

Even then, one wonders just how much, and for how long, TOC can stick around. A very good point made by another reader states this:

“TOC has done a lot already.
The problem is singaporeans’ mentality will only reach maturity in at earliest in 10 years time.”

He hits the nail right smack on the head. We are still stuck at the mental age where homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to get married, public displays of affection are fervently and passionately condemned on forums, and we giggle every time we see peepee parts. We claim to want freedom, liberty, yet it is evident that we don’t understand the responsibility that comes with it. We refuse to hold ourselves accountable for anything, instead choosing to formulate ridiculously thought-out defenses. Maturity can only come if we open ourselves up enough to receive it. For that reason, never reject an idea. Never turn down a view.

But of course, that’s too much to ask isn’t it.

May 20, 2010

Small Penis Syndrome

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 1:07 pm

There is a disease, a condition, that has been plaguing this country for as long as we can remember. An illness so dangerous, finding a cure would be almost miraculous. Many of us suffer from it, but not many will admit it. It is also believed, by me at least, that if we can cure this disease, we can solve most, if not all the problems we face today. The unfortunate condition our country suffers from, ladies and gentlemen, is Small Penis Syndrome.

Yes, our country has a tiny tonker. A wee winkle. And I suspect it’s the Marina Bay/Sentosa region. It would certainly make sense; it’s the Southern region and every weekend we use it to take a wank. Every decision, every word, every muscle the country has ever developed has been, in part at least, due to our self-perceived inadequacy. We’re like a short guy with a small “staff”; we have to really buff up so people don’t take a piss at us. Hence the economic and financial muscle, the harsh, no nonsense stance, the more or less nonsensical and illogical laws, and the weird people hanging around.

It explains everything we’ve ever done up til this point. Like the short guy with a dwarfish dong, whom I shall now refer to as Ernie, we would feel the need to overcompensate our lack of… manhood, by attempting to overachieve in other areas. Ernie would work out, make sure he had some serious bulk where people could see it. Arms, abs, chest, quads, calves and arse.

“People won’t mess with me now,” he thinks to himself as he continues to work on the stairmaster.

Ernie leaves the gym after 3 hours, sore and aching, and ponders his next move.

“I know. I’ll go earn some money. Deck myself with bling so people can’t mess with me.”

And off he struts, making sure to walk with his legs wide open so that it looks like he’s packing jumbo junk. He goes home, turns on his computer, and begins to sell his comic book collection and action figures on eBay. He also decides that since he’s selling stuff, might as well put his dignity, morals, compassion, and common sense up for sale.

“They only weigh me down,” he mutters. Bids start at $1 and all four are snapped up in just a few seconds for a staggering $4.20.

Ernie, absolutely chuffed at the money he’s made, then decides to get some bling. After all, nothing says powerful like money. And nothing says rich like diamonds. He goes to the store and purchases what they call a Helix bracelet. Pretty and expensive. He also decides to get a few tattoos. For starters, a wanky band around his right bicep.

“People will think I’m tough, and I don’t take shit from anyone,” Ernie sniggers as the tattoo artist puts the finishing touches on.

He also decides to get the words “Monsieur Dirigeant, Poignarder” tattooed on his chest, a grammatically incorrect phrase that translates literally to” Mister Ruler, Stab”. “People will think I’m sophisticated, yet dangerous at the same time,” Ernie’s rather pleased with himself now.

Finally, the sun begins to set and the night takes over.

“I need to hang out with some cool people. Like foreigners. Expats. That will make me look really cool, like I’m liberal and influenced by western ideals. But, I’ll approach with caution so people will think I’m still holding on to my Asian roots”.

He goes to a bar, and begins chatting to some Caucasian patrons. He’s having a good time, but they don’t look pleased. Ernie excuses himself and heads to the bathroom.

“What do you think?” The American asks the 2 Brits.

“We are not amused.”

“Ja.” The Swede agrees.

“Let’s bugger off then.”

Ernie returns to find that they’ve left, but not before finishing the drinks he bought for them. And his own. They’ve even put a few bottles of beer under his tab. Ernie now realises that he has to find some company soon. From the corner of his eye he spots a group of asian patrons, except they’re speaking broken English with various South-East Asian accents. “Oh what the hell…” he takes a deep breah and walks over.

The next morning, Ernie wakes up in his bed, a Vietnamese lying beside him, a Filipino on the floor and the two Thais in the corner, surrounded by a fort made of beer bottles. His testicles feel swollen and his arse is bleeding. He calls up his only friend to tell him about the night. He anticipates sympathy, or at least a reaction that is not of indifference. Instead, all he gets is a “Please see your MP. I am but a deaf frog in a well, without a care in the world.”

“Come on! I was arse-raped…!”

“I’m afraid I can’t talk right now. I’m heading to a new country. Er… City. Er… Country. Er… Nevermind.”

And so, Ernie, arse-raped and rejected by his only friend, sits gingerly on his couch and begins his self-reflection.

As a country, we have attempted to build a defense for ourselves by forcing upon our young men 2 years of national service. We have attempted to build up our financial muscle, constantly referring to our GDP as the most obvious sign that we’re doing the right workouts. We’ve exchanged our humanity for petty cash and a tough guy label. We’ve adopted the MDP to prove that we don’t mess around. We’ve offered ourselves up to foreigners, only to find that the smarter ones have sucked our resources dry and left us hanging. So we settle for the ones who can barely communicate and in the end, all we get is arse-raped. And when we try to seek help from the ones we think will do us good, we get turned down, rejected, trod on.

All because we have Small Penis Syndrome. Too high a price to pay, don’t you think?

May 19, 2010

3 Attempts In A Day

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 12:04 pm

There is something terribly wrong with this country. I don’t think there can be any doubt to those aware. Yesterday, we had two suicide attempts reported. One successful, the other not, but passed off as an accident. The first was a man in his fifties, fueled possibly by desperation and the uncertainty of his family’s future. He launched himself out of his flat on the 7th floor. The second, reported as being an accident by the mainstream media, yet witnessed as a suicide attempt, involved a man in his thirties and the MRT tracks, so often the deathbed of many in recent years. He failed on this occasion. Now, treat these two individuals with indifference and contempt if you wish. I’ve found that we very rarely sympathize with people anymore. It doesn’t take much mental effort to brush of suicides as an attempt to escape the harsh realities of life, or life in Singapore, especially if the people involved are middle-aged men. But I dare you to enter the mind of a child, driven to the brink of ending his own life.

Around 1 am last night, I received a tip-off regarding yet another failed suicide attempt. An 8 year old boy, had thrown his bag and a stuffed bear down four stories, and was ready to follow suit. Fortunately, he was spotted by a female resident, who then managed to stall him long enough for other residents to break into the flat and grab him. According to the information I received, when the boy was asked why he wanted to jump, he said that his mother had done the same. Further probing revealed that his mother had committed suicide the year before, and he was being raised by his father, who was at work at the time. The boy was taken by the police, supposedly to his father’s workplace. Their whereabouts are currently unknown.

What demons could’ve lured this young lad, whom I understand from my source to be a bright and sensible individual, towards the traps of death? According to the boy, his father had earlier called him “useless” for failing an exam. While I am bewildered by the lack of sensitivity, I suspect there may be a deeper issue than that. When faced with the reality of losing someone close to us, we undergo the 5 stages of grief. However, the progression of those stages vary from person to person. Some of us race down to Acceptance. Others brisk walk, but find that they have to turn back. And then, there are some who dwindle at Denial, who feel safe with Denial, who cling on to Denial for fear of the other stages and the horrors they will bring.

Yet, before we jump at the father’s throat, keep in mind that as much pain as a child losing his mother has to go through, a man losing his wife feels no less. Both individuals have had to go through trauma that, quite frankly, is premature. The boy will receive professional help, according to the police.

I wonder though, if they will offer the same help to the boy’s father, or if a charge of negligence is all he will receive.

May 11, 2010

Against The “Trade-Off”

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 11:06 am

“People assume you can have this safety and security without this framework of the law; that you can change it, and yet your safety and security will not be affected. But there are always trade-offs. The difficulty the Government has sometimes in explaining this is that the trade-offs are not apparent. The damage to a large number of others is not obvious.”

These, ladies and gentlemen, are the wise words of your Law and Second Home Affairs Minister, Mr. K Shanmugam. This is what he had to say in reply to a question regarding 21 yr old drug trafficker Yong Vui Kong, who currently awaits the verdict of his appeal against the mandatory death penalty, which will be delivered this friday. It seems rather odd though, that a mandatory sentence should be allowed an appeal.

A trade-off. The certain destruction of one life to prevent the potential decimation of 10, or 100, or 1000, or perhaps only 3. The definite and deliberate murder of one man, to ensure that the possible, because that’s all it is, the probable death of others doesn’t happen. Mr Shanmugam has effectively disguised the mandatory death penalty as a means of prevention, and has justified it by labeling the process a trade. Why don’t we start making people take care of our homes and families 24 hours a day, 6 days a week, pay them almost nothing but claim to offer them food and lodging? Hey wait a minute…

A 21 year old boy who possibly didn’t even realise what he was delivering, who hasn’t had a proper education, who’s never had the luxury of time or money, whose only concern was making a better living for his mother, a boy who’s never understood the privileged lives many of us lead is going to die, simply because we allow it. Simply because morons like Mr Shanmugam think that if people begin using, the fault surely has to fall on people like Yong. The mules. The supply lines. The exploited. We never think to fault the source because they’re too elusive, and we never think to fault ourselves because it’s always easier to be irresponsible and point fingers.

Come this friday, we either advance, or we stall. We either realise, or we ignore. I know which side of the war I’m on, and why. Do you?

April 23, 2010

Further Analysis

Filed under: Uncategorized — theinkhorn @ 12:09 pm

When I was a teenager first discovering the wonders of South Park, I always suspected there was more to the show than just the unnecessary violence, or the occasional toilet humour, or the constant use of profanity. It was so overbearing, almost the central plot of the series. It felt like someone had made a delicious peach cobbler, and then poured an entire sack of icing sugar on it.

Bearing that analogy in mind, it eventually became clear that in order to enjoy that cobbler, one had to first scrape the icing sugar off, maybe just leave a tiny bit of it on, maybe get some whipped cream on top, perhaps some fresh peaches… South Park is a brilliant cobbler; people just have to know how much sugar to leave on, and how much of the other stuff is really necessary.

But what really makes South Park a special show is not the superficial. I don’t know many people who wouldn’t smirk at South Park and proclaim it to be an unintelligent program that only achieved fame and recognition by sparking controversy. While it is true that controversy has been a recurring theme for Parker and Stone, their design is in no way unintelligent. Au contraire, it happens to be one of the most intellectually stimulating programs around.

South Park recurring themes

1) Swearing Children

The idea of kids being demure and innocent is flawed. There’s a reason why William Golding made his characters from “Lord of the Flies” children. Children are easily influenced, learn quick, and are original, possibly because they haven’t seen enough of the world to conform. Parents, however, choose to view their kids in a different, and deluded manner. Parker and Stone’s little buggers look like angels, but swear like sailors, and that comes as such a shock to first time viewers, they can’t help but be intrigued. It isn’t just an addiction strategy, nor is it purely for entertainment’s sake. Parker and Stone expose the potential impact of society on kids, and the consequences that follow. They remind us that what we believe may not necessarily be real, and what’s real may not necessarily be pleasant.

2) Controversy

Think about the number of times you’ve watched a South Park episode and said to yourself, “Oh boy they’ve really done it now.” Have you ever wondered why? Why this blatant disrespect? Why this utter disregard for one’s pride and reputation? And why target celebrities, politicians and religion? Perhaps it’s because they are the big trio, the three musketeers who, consciously or not, are causing serious damage to society. Have you considered that it really isn’t that easy to taunt those three categories? Two of them have the power to summon lawyers, while the remaining one has magical deities watching its back. It takes not only courage, but an extensive knowledge of current affairs, a wicked sense of humour and a razor-sharp wit. And have you realised that they’re just saying what we are too afraid to?

3) Underlying Tones

A very good example of this would be the two latest episodes. There is something important to learn in almost every episode. Parker and Stone merely employ the main storyline as a decoy, and when the lesson is revealed, the entire episode, however ridiculous it may have seemed at first, starts making sense.

The two latest episodes, however, raise the bar. Possibly the best episodes I’ve seen in a long time, “200” begins with Tom Cruise accusing young Stan Marsh of ridiculing him by calling him a “fudgepacker”, even though Cruise really is packing fudge into boxes. He eventually leads a group of celebrities who have previously fallen victim to South Park residents’ ridicule and vows to sue the town unless they hand over Mohammed, who he believes has the power, or “goo” that allows him to be immune from ridicule. As the episodes stretches on, more and more characters from the past emerge, sweeping regular viewers off their feet with a gigantic wave of nostalgia. The episode eventually ends with Jesus and a bunch of religious figures, who are superheroes in that universe, rescuing everyone.

Parker and Stone have outdone themselves this time, not merely because the episodes were hilarious, but because they succeeded. They had accomplished what they had in mind.

The Plan

1) Lay the trap

The mere mention of Mohammed’s name marks the first step to the setting up of the trap. While Lars Vilk and Jyllands-Posten paid a small price for their cartoons of the prophet, the prospect of seeing an animated Mohammed would surely be too much for Islamists to take.

2) Spring the trap

The revelation of Mohammed, but behind a black “censored” bar, is the spark that sets the fuel alight. As if slowly testing the strength of the Muslim resolve, Parker and Stone patiently release bits and pieces of Mohammed. First his voice, then the bar, then him in a bear suit. And to top it off, the South Park characters break the fourth wall by questioning whether every little bit would get them into trouble. It was pure genius, and it worked like a charm. Revolution Muslim gladly trod into the meticulously laid trap.

3) Comparison

This is quite possibly Parker and Stone’s masterstroke. I’d like to name a few of the characters mocked in those episodes.

Paris Hilton – Coughs out semen

Tom Cruise – Famous Oprah scene re-enacted

Barbara Streisand – Depicted as a metallic Godzilla-like monster

Jesus – Addicted to internet pornography

Buddha – Snorts cocaine

Krishna – Transforms into Neil Diamond

Then, there is Mohammed, who besides being portrayed as a black “censored” bar, doesn’t really make an appearance at all (since the person in the bear costume was really Santa Claus). Yet, the only ones who seem ticked off are the Muslims.

Parker and Stone have hit the jackpot. Because of Revolution Muslim’s reckless threat, they have now revealed, on a gigantic scale, the dangers of Islam. Not that it was ever ambiguous before. Parker and Stone have successfully demonstrated that in order for freedom of expression to be present, in order for creativity and satire to flourish, the most offensive and oppressive entity must go. It is a stark, and very bleak comparison, that the Muslims would issue death threats over the mere idea of their prophet being animated on a television program while the Christians laugh at the image of Jesus on his laptop.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, Comedy Central then took the liberty of bleeping out Mohammed’s name, and the entire closing dialogue, thus shooting themselves in the foot. Parker and Stone have managed to not only bring forward their point on the qualities of Islam, they have successfully illustrated, at Comedy Central’s expense, one of society’s most glaring faults: we would rather shoot ourselves than be politically incorrect. We try to remain neutral in the face of such terror, simply because it is easy and convenient.

What happens now remains to be seen. The threat from Revolution Muslim is unambiguous: they want blood. Besides the photo of the late Theo Van Gogh and the warning on their website, they have also listed Comedy Central’s New York headquarters, the cable television channel that broadcasts the show, and South Park’s production company, accompanied by this chilling statement.

“You can pay them a visit at these addresses.”

Still think you can afford to sit on the fence?

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